


Saving her, saving himself

by Notanneboleyn



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Darillium, F/M, Other, TARDIS - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-14
Updated: 2013-07-07
Packaged: 2017-12-08 12:42:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/761422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notanneboleyn/pseuds/Notanneboleyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This fic takes place after The Angels Take Manhattan and starts with the doctor's visit with River Song to Darillium and his endeavour to try and save her after Silence in the Library.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. After Manhattan

After Manhattan, the doctor had arranged a room in the TARDIS for himself and River. A plush bed with satin sheets and soft pillows. Dimly lit. A perfect heaven where nothing else mattered. They had lain in that bed for weeks trying to survive after Manhattan. So far away from the world, universes, everything. Each took their turn holding each other as the wept until one made the other perfectly content with how the universe worked. How could Amy and Rory have been any different. The doctor took comfort in knowing that the two of them had been together as they deserved to be, even if it had been with the angels, he was sure there was nothing their love could not overcome. And now, lying beside their daughter, he felt the same way. 

They were living on borrowed time, he realised on the last night they had agreed to lie there together. It was only a matter of time before this would all be over. She would ask him to take her to Darillium and she would be lost. He had to try, he decided. He could not let the library keep her. She was his now. She had killed him (twice) and given her regenerations to save his life. They had fought time and the universe and won and here they were, together, traveling in opposite directions. He didn't know yet but when the realisation came upon him that this might be the last of their beautiful nights together for a very long time, he promised to make it the best night she had ever known. 

River lie sleeping in his arms in a way that he never wanted to forget. As he watched her sleep, her perfect chest rising and falling with each breath she took, he sang to her the old songs of Gallifrey. She stirred in her sleep and turned to look at her ageless god to see his tears falling.  
"Doctor," she rose, "what's wrong, my love?"  
"Hush," he pleaded.  
He held her and she raised her mouth to his, a kiss so deep time stood still and the three hearts in the room beat in sync. The Doctor couldn't bear to let her go, He simply stroked her face, ran his fingers through her hair, moving to trace the silhouette of her sides and abdomen. He stopped at her waist, because he knew she loved the feel of his hands there more than any other place in the universe. Her hands removed themselves from his shoulders and she brushed the hair from his face to reveal one last tear. She moved to kiss it away. He needed a distraction and she never failed to provide one when he needed it most. She traced the tracks of his tears down his face lightly with her tongue, tasting the saltiness over his sharp cheekbones. She continued to move her tongue along his neck and her hands up his arms raising chills along his arms while her hands and her tongue seemed to sweep away all of his pain. She kissed his collarbones and ran her fingers through his hair. He stopped her, bringing her face to meet his and kissing her lips, afraid to release her in case she were to float off and never return. He rolled over on top of her and he could see the pain of the last two weeks in her eyes. She was so strong and so beautiful and her curls spread across black sheets like an exploding sun, he never wanted to see her hurt again. He began to kiss her. He moved his mouth over her neck and shoulders and his eyes over her form. His eyes moved to her chest and he looked back at her longingly, she nodded and he proceeded to remove her blouse. When he saw her full breasts still restrained by a sturdy black bra she felt him grow hard and hot against her leg and the she felt the heat growing between her legs, full of want. He lifted her torso until his face rested within her full chest. When he released her bra, he could feel them grow softer and as he removed her bra, his mouth moved over one of her nipples nibbling and licking the tip until she elicited a delicate moan. He laid her back down and moved his hand over the other, kneading and pinching while the other hand moved over her body mysteriously stopping just beneath her bellybutton and her stomach began to flutter. He slipped his hand over her hip bones and her legs quivered as she thrust herself toward him. The doctor stopped to look at her, shaking his head no as he continued to kiss down her stomach. He slid his hands under her to remove her pants, gracing her soft, sensitive flesh as his hands moved over her ass and down the back of her thighs. He stopped at her ankles, kissing the delicate joints and running a hand up the back of each leg as he kissed his way down the inside. When he came near her, he could almost feel her heat radiating. He nibbled and kissed the inside of her thighs, moving a hand to her clitoris. River's entire body shook and she moaned for more. He moved his mouth slowly to where his hand had been and felt her hand pulling his hair lightly. He thrust a finger inside of her and kissed her core until she screamed his name. Not just Doctor. His name, and it was beautiful, the two of them, the TARDIS and she could say his name. He moved back up to kiss her lips and she rolled over on top of him. Positioning herself, he thrust into her hot core. The pleasure and the heat made him whimper. They held each other tightly pulling and tugging, rolling over and under until her entire body twitched and she continued to scream his name. He rode out her orgasm and the sound of her pleasure brought him to climax shortly thereafter. When they finally lay beside each other, breathless they whispered to each other giggling. He lived for nights like this, any nights that he could be with her.  
"Doctor," she started, "I have to leave in the morning, you know."  
"Yes, dear, I know," he replied, "Sleep now."  
River drifted to sleep, and finally so did the man she loved.  
She awoke the next morning to a feast. She stumbled from their room into the kitchen of the TARDIS to find her doctor waiting amidst a seemingly endless supply of the most exotic fruits from all ends of the universe, and he had set her a plate with an omelette fit for royalty and a few slices of some of the more colourful fruits, some of which she didn't even recognise and knowing her doctor's tastes was slightly nervous about biting into.  
"Alright you," she started in, "what have you done this time?"  
"Nothing, I swear," argued the doctor, "I just wanted you to wake up and feel like the most important woman in all of time and space."  
She leaned over to kiss him and smiled.  
He would miss those smiles, but right now he tried not to think about anything but how beautiful she looked before she had taken the chance to tame her magnificent hair or throw on the dark red lipstick she wore. He knew they only had the time together that it would take her to get ready, and he feared where she would ask him to take her.   
He sat at the table peeling apart a fruit he had no intention of eating. Once he had finished, he went to stand in the doorway of the washroom as she finished brushing her teeth. The teeth in that beautiful mouth, her perfect smile that made his hearts skip a beat whenever she laughed or opened her lips to speak. The lips that he would miss more than anything in the world. The smile that would never fade from his memory. When she noticed his reflection, she turned and gave him a smile and saying "Hello, Sweetie," before turning back around. He approached her, wrapping his strong arms around her. "Magnificent," was all he could utter as he buried his face in her neck and planted a light kiss just beneath her right ear. She kissed his cheek and moved for her ruby red lipstick. "Don't," the doctor quickly asked before he had the time to think, "just you today, please, River." She replaced the lipstick on the counter where it had been sitting and replied rather confused, "of course, love."   
"Doctor?" she asked.   
He looked up to acknowledge her.   
"I think I would like to stay one more night," she started looking for approval in his eyes.   
"Great!" He began, dreaming of what they could do tonight. See the great masks of Kroylano, see the last dragons of Westeros, there were so many possibilities he thought, as she interrupted with a suggestion.  
"How about Darillium?" His hearts sank into the floor, because he knew he couldn't tell her no. He didn't move to speak. He only nodded and left her with one last kiss standing in the mirror with a slightly confused face as he left for the control room. Her gaze followed him out the door and she finished taming her mane before following him.   
The doctor made sure River had the most beautiful night watching the singing towers. It was the only thing she had ever asked him for and the one thing he wished she hadn't. It was all the doctor could do to not run away with her, to break every law of what he knew to be a fixed point in time, but they had done enough of that, they had cheated death too many times between the pair that one more was sure to rip apart the fabric of existence. It was too risky. The doctor stood behind River as they watched the towers together. He wrapped his arms around her as he began to cry. He sensed she would know why soon enough. She simply gripped his arm a little firmer as she felt him heaving behind her. When the night was finished the doctor stood stationary not wanting to move from that spot, not wanting his wife to see his face. Finally, River turned to him, and held his face firmly in her hands looking into the eyes of the old god. Those eyes that had seen so much seemed to be so full of longing. River kissed her doctor and tucked his hair behind his left ear as she leaned in to whisper "You and me, love, time and space, and nothing can stand in our way." She embraced him again clinging to him as she led him back to the TARDIS. She laid him down and went for the kitchen to brew a kettle, as she was walking out the door to their bedroom she heard him calling her, "River, wait." She turned to face him and could see this was not a moment for tea. She knew her doctor needed her more than a hot beverage tonight. River dashed toward the Doctor from across the room and sat on the edge of the bed holding his head close to her chest and running her hands through his hair.  
She deserves better than this, the doctor thought to himself as he lifted his head. For her last night she needs so much more. She needs you to leave her with something that is worth remembering for the rest of eternity. The doctor raised his head to kiss this beautiful creature to make up for all the cruelty that he knew his former self would soon inflict on this woman whom he would grow to love so deeply. They stayed up through the night and he told her stories he had never told anyone about his parents and his brothers and sisters. They made love that night. Not human love, but the love shared between two people that was so deep it would have been able to withstand an entire army of the Silence once again. The Doctor apologised continuously throughout the night for everything he had ever done or would ever do. River would kiss away each tear and respond with "always and completely forgiven, my love," each time. When the Doctor had regained his senses he reached for the bedside table grabbing for his bow tie, the one he always wore when he was with her, the one that had married the two of them. He took the bow tie and wrapped it around both of their hands in the same style that they had done once before. When he did, he promised her the universe, promised her that he would always find a way to make things right. She interrupted him saying, "I really do have to leave in the morning, love."  
"I know," was the only reply he could muster.  
She stayed through the night lying with the doctor, when he awoke the next morning, she was gone and he wept.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry all that it took me SOOOO long to continue this, but I wanted to wait until after TNOTD because I knew it would be relevant but this is directly before the finale. More to come.

It took the Doctor months to finally decide what he had to do. He traveled with Clara and while she slept, he would steal into his own complex mind. He tried each time not to become distracted but he was simply too sentimental for that. Thinking of ways and possibilities for rescuing the woman who captivated him and made him explore parts of himself he had never seen before. This woman. The one who he could never have completely, was the only woman in all the cosmos that could tame his restless spirit. She had sacrificed so much for him. They had fought time and space for each other and won, she had given all of her regenerations for him, she had killed him (twice), and now his heart was breaking for her. He had to find a way to bring her out of the library.   
He was grateful that she could on occasion be so careless in leaving things tossed about. He supposed it was because she knew this day was coming for him and she could not stand to let him forget about her. Anything he could find that would make the memory of her last a moment longer, a dress, a tube of lipstick, her perfume bottle (a special blend that he believed she must have stolen from the personal collection of Coco Chanel). Occasionally, he would find things that were especially sentimental a photograph of the two of them with Elvis, a hieroglyph from the world of Danuxlet on the outside of the last visible galaxy from the Milky Way which depicted the TARDIS and the two of them running. Like they always were, afraid time would catch up to them, and now it had.  
Remembering her face as they landed safely in the TARDIS, his knees buckled and he fell to the floor in pieces. He propped himself up against the side of the bed. He realised it was her side and he could almost feel her arms close in around him as her scent filled his nose. He leaned his head against the bed, and closed his eyes, running his hands across the carpet. The carpet made him smile as he remembered the dance River used to do tip toeing to the bathroom or the kitchen in the middle of the night or the mornings which followed their beautiful nights together. Finally, River insisted upon an upgrade from the cold tile which covered many of the bedrooms of the TARDIS, a default setting that the doctor had quite liked, to a lush padding of red carpet.   
Running his hand across the carpet, he found himself slinking his arm further beneath the bed, in hopes of finding some hidden treasure or memory she had kept for him. Much to his surprise, he found just that, he pulled the mound of fabric out from beneath the bed, eyes still closed, he pressed it to his face taking in the fresh, untouched smell that was left on her clothes when he found them exactly as she had left them. He didn't have to open his eyes to know what he had found.   
There was a very distinct smell about Darillium, it was sweet like vanilla but at the same time held a strong smell of sulfur that stained your clothes deep enough that the smell could last for decades. The doctor thought of that night, the last night he had spent with Dr. Song and it broke every piece of him.   
As he wept, he could feel her arms wrapped around him and the sweet kiss she had given him as they stood there and the towers sang. The tears he cried then were no less and he imagined her no less real than she had been that night. She knelt down before him and held his face in her hands as she kissed away the tears of all their adventures passed and of all the life and love they had share, so minuscule when compared to the grand scheme of his life. Nothing was ever fair for him. He didn't understand the way people faded from his life. Just this one time, couldn't it work?   
The doctor was old. He could feel the TARDIS growing old with him. It seemed to him that if he could only retrieve the soul that he cherished so deeply and the child of the TARDIS that there would be enough left in the old man's hearts to continue their journey for just a while longer.   
The doctor jumped to his feet and the apparition of her sweet curls and luscious form moved in shock as if she knew what was coming. In his rage he threw the dress on the bed and took large, angry strides into the control room. He was throwing switches and yelling at the TARDIS "one more paradox, old girl, come on." She spoke finally, "Not yet, my love. You aren't ready." He heard but he didn't respond. He pushed the lever back into place as he put his hands on the console. Stroking the only thing that had been a constant in all his years of travel.   
Then, the apparition appeared beside him placing a hand on his shoulder he turned to face her, not sure if he was imagining her or not. He held her face in his hands and swore that he could feel the warmth of her flesh on his palm. Her eyes were so grief stricken and he couldn't imagine how long it had been to her since he held her face in his hands. This was what he had created from what was left of her and now he hated himself for it.   
He became a broken man in the arms of the woman. He seemed to float back into his chambers where he was laid in the bed, but he could not decide whether it had been her doing or his own that put him back in the bed. He did not weep again that night. He lay there silent and dreaming of worlds both old and new until finally he heard Clara shuffling about her morning routine.


End file.
